Explain the Unexplainable.

I don't sleep anymore.

It's strange, because I'm not tired, or even emotionally stressed to that point.

It stopped. Along with the crying. I just... I can't. I sob and shake all over and nothing. No kind of tears, no kind of weariness, no anything.

I'm not supposed to exsist, and I think I'm being reminded of that.

I opened my eyes in the morning, wide awake and dry-faced, to the sound of someone in the room.

"Good morning." He said quietly, and if I could've cried, I would've. Again. Still. As always.

I stayed now, at night, in Zach's bed with him. We're no longer in the hospital - he was moved to my room, because he has no family in the litteral sense of the world (his grandmother left the clan and moved to Wisconsin after hearing of... the problem). He lies in my bed, and every night, I lay there and talk to him about everything that's going on and about how much people care about him; about how much he's impacting my entire world. And always, I tell him the one thing I hope he knows more than anything - or did, before the...

I love him. He is my world.

So every night, sleepless and unmoving, I lie in his bed until someone comes in. No one knocks anymore, since my room has kind of stopped being my room and has turned into visitation central.

The person in the room had been there every morning for the last week, and suffice to say, had kept my busy. Already, he'd been in the room for almost three hours - he'd been silent, sitting in the winged-back chair farthest away from the bed. He knew how I felt, and took it into consideration. I, in turn, always pulled myself out of the bed, by Zach's warm figure, and sat in the seat three down from him.

He smiled at me sadly. "Is there anything you know of...?"

I sighed and rocked back and forth, my head in my hands. For the third time in an hour, he was asking me this question. I didn't know how to fix anything anymore - and when it came down to people, I knew nothing at all.

"I can't see a way." I protested, and even I could hear the anger in my own voice. He, of course, did too, and leaned back in his chair.

"You know the promise still stands, Clara. No matter what happens."

"I know. But for me to even go through on my end, you need to try to the fullest extent to solve this. Please."

"There's always the one suggestion." he threw out casually, as if it weren't already hanging in the tension-filled air.

"No. Absolutely not." I said flatly. "It's pointless in this situation, and I don't even want to consider it."

He closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "No offense, Clare, but does it really, honestly, make a difference in the long run?"

My temper flared. "Yes," I hissed. "Yes, it does. Death is very different than this." I gestured at the bed. "This is... It's..."

There was no word.

"Worse." he supplied. "For you and everyone involved."

I gritted my teeth together. "Just let me decide that."

There was a moment of tough silence as I fought back a yell that was being produced by all of... Well, everything. Nothing was smooth anymore.

He ran his hand over his face. "Look, I'm sorry, but you're so different now, and that's bothering me more than it should. I don't want this to fail and you to be miserable."

I smiled weakly. "Does it really make a difference in the end?"

"Touche" he noted quietly, his eyes on the bed and the figure in it. "Do you mind if I...?"

The question trailed off, as so many of the same question had, though coming from different - more familiar - mouths.

I could've said yes, like I did to all the rest. Yes, and stay away, because it belongs to me.

"No, go ahead." I sighed.

His ruby eyes flickered to me for a reaction, but I'd already looked away. Studying the creme-colored carpet that I'd been carried across, dragged across, and loved across.

Dammit.

He moved over to the bed and breathed in sharply. The tubes, the wires, the blood... All of it was nauseating, and I had no doubt that he hadn't been expecting it to be as bad as it was.

I closed my eyes. I didn't want to watch his reaction anymore than I wanted to relive my own. That first day of knowing that he wouldn't ever talk to me again - wouldn't ever dream again - it was agonizing. I was as suicidal as you could get without ever wanting to kill yourself. The thoughts, the words, the memories... One by one, terror after terror, all of the good memories played out in front of my eyes in slow motion, seeming to take forever, but only actually consuming a number of sharp-edged seconds.

God, I didn't want to think anymore. Why couldn't my mind go where his did?

Jesus. That's... Unspeakably horrible. I can't even think without making myself want to fall into oblivion.

I was in the middle of humming to myself - A pianists nightmare of a lullaby, complex and dark, with three pianos in unison - when I didn't need to anymore. My thoughts were averted.

"What the hell are you doing?"

My eyes flashed open to Annora, standing in the doorway.

But she wasn't talking to me.

The angry, shocked tone was directed at Alec, who had his hands poised lightly over the bed, his eyes alert and threatened - something of how I looked, I would've guessed.

But instead, Alec just dropped his hands and raised an eyebrow. "I'm here for a favor to a friend. Do you mind leaving now?"

Annora mimed him sarcastically. "Uh, yeah, I would mind."

I snorted. Alec just rolled his eyes and came back to the winged-back chair, settling into it comfortably.

"AGAIN," Annora announced, angrily. "What. Are. You. Doing. Here?!"

"It's none of your business," I said roughly, and Alec flashed me a suspicious look.

Annora crossed arms, "And why isn't it?"

"I could kill her, if it would help." Alec said easily.

I stood up, trying to bite back on the immense anger building up. "Oh, I don't know, maybe because anything concerning my friends is my business. Stay. Out. Of. IT."

The angry scowl on her face vanished, to be replaced by a look of utter confusion and repulsion.

"Friends?" she asked, uneasily.

I let out a frustrated sigh and collapsed back into my seat and rubbed the bridge of my nose, fighting the temper. "Dammit, Annora..."

"Wouldn't it be easier to just answer the question?" she retorted.

Alec glanced over at me, elegantly confused. "You didn't tell her, then?"

I groaned. "No, and there would be a reason."

She stepped towards me, the scowl growing back. "Didn't tell me what?"

"Shit." Alec said lightly.

I dropped my hands into my lap and looked at her tiredly. "Annora, go away."

"And what if I say no?"

"And what exactly even gives you the right to step foot in this room?" Alec interjected before I could, smoothly and without the faintest trace of being perturbed.

I didn't miss the frown he was still directing my way.

"Um, well, go ahead and kill me, but I'm family and I care."

I could feel it drop - the entire 'fight it back' thing. She was getting in deep, and she didn't have a clue.

"Care for WHO, Annora?" I raged. "Because I'll be damned if I've seen you in here more than twice."

She sighed. "I care for both you and Zach."

I laughed, the bitterness that I'd had all week - all month, rather, seeping into my tone. "Right. You care."

"I can't stand being around other people, Clara, that's the only reason I haven't been here." She looked at me like I'd hurt her. "I thought you'd remember that."

I looked at her in shock and disbelief.

Alec chimed in with a shy, "Be careful, Clara." before the words shot out of my mouth.

"YOU can't be around people?!" I spat. "Dear GOD, Annora, you're SO right! You should TOTALLY have an excuse! Because I haven't been LIVING in the pain of the friends and family, and, God forbid, my FIANCE, for the last two months!"

Her eyes widened a fraction. "I'm so sorry Clara. I should of come..." she shook her head and laughed sarcastically. "I'm just a selfish little brat - that's all."

Oh, my God. I wanted to hit her.

"And now you have to approve my friends, Annora? Just because, all of the sudden, you want to interfere with what's been happening since it's gotten that much out of control that you 'need to do something', or whatever?" I swore and stood up angrily, pacing the room.

Alec's eyes left me and glided easily to her. "Maybe you should just listen to her and leave."

Annora ignored him, "I don't need to approve of anything in your life Clare." she said, actually sounding earnest. "I was just wondering what you were doing hanging around him--last thing I knew you weren't so happy with him....." She blew her hair out of face and muttered, almost inpercievably, "not that it'd surprise me..."

I spun around to face her. "And what the hell is THAT supposed to mean?!"

Alec leaned his head back against the chair and closed his eyes, sighing.

"You hating him. I mean last time I remember he hurt you." As if his relaxation were some kind of twisted que, she raised her eyebrows and looked over at him as if she was looking at some kind of garbage. "Great friend."

Alec's eyes opened suddenly, focusing in on Annora with a sharp glare. "I'd take care not to bring that up, vegan."

She scoffed. "Ouch. That hurt."

Alec quirked a wicked smile. "It's all too bad that I didn't come across you instead and break your lousy little head." he laughed softly. "You're so weak."

I slammed my hand down on the desk in the corner. "DAMMIT, THIS DOESN'T EVEN HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH OUR FAMILY, ANN. Just LEAVE!"

That was it. The only energy my body had decided I needed to survive, and I'd used it on her. I slid to the floor in front of the desk.

Annora glared at Alec, "I would have like you to try, I know some people who would be very happy about it." And then, so be it, she turned and looked at me. "Why can't you just answer one question, Clara, it can't be so difficult."

I sighed and cradled my head in my hands. "What?" I asked without any true conviction. "What was the damned question?"

"What. Is. He. Doing. Here?”

Through my fingers, I saw the smug look drop from Alec's face as he glanced over at me, almost sorry.

Somehow, I guess because of the no-sleep, no-tire, no-used-to-not-sleeping thing, the entire situation seemed almost... funny.

I laughed tiredly. "I can't tell you," I said, shaking my head. "I'd love to, but I can't."

"And why not?" she demanded.

Alec stood up and opened the door. "Annora, it's time to go." he said calmly.

Annora looked disbelievingly between us, "Oh. Yeah. And leave her with you. Right."

I stood up carefully and started dusting myself off to distract me from looking at her. "He won't hurt me."

“I’m only here to help.” Alec sighed.

I glanced over at him accusingly. How could he say that, when she was RIGHT THERE?! She couldn’t know, and he knew it! How could he...

Annora looked at him, "You're what?"

"Helping," Alec said blandly. "The action of assisting or favoring another. It's a verb. Obviously, you've never heard of it."

Annora just rolled her eyes, immune to the unheard message. "It just seems odd to hear you and help in the same sentence."

"I'm not playing around anymore." he said, his voice dangerous. "Leave before you hurt anyone." His eyes landed on me.

I laughed dryly. "Quit being stoic, Alec."

His eyes returned to Annora, hard and watchful.

She just stood there. “Before I hurt anyone?”

Alec gritted his teeth. "You're pushing it close, young one."

"I was just asking a question,” she said, shrugging it off. “It's human nature you know."

"Dammit, Clara, she's annoying! Forget it!" he said angrily, and then spun on her, grabbing the front of her shirt and slamming her against the wall. "I am here," he said in a deep hissing voice. "to save Zachary Creullen from a very untimely death in any way possible. I'm being paid and it's not just an act of friendship, so I would very much appreciate it if you could keep your little freckled nose out of my affairs."

I ran my hand over my face and swore quietly.

“...Alright...” Annora mumbled, trying to recover gracefully.

Alec dropped her suddenly, but in a quick act, she remained standing. I stepped up to her and clenched my fingers together.

“Don’t you dare tell Edward.” I whispered.

“Since when have I ever squealed?” she asked, slightly appalled that I would have to warn her.

I waved her away, turning around and heading back towards the bed, and toward the one person who usually could uncomplicate things. “Just... Go away.”

And she did, mumbling "Alright..."

I bit my lip as Alec stared over at me. "I cannot believe you."

"Yeah, well, we're not all proud of what we do, okay?"

He shook his head and started to stand up. "Tomorrow, maybe. Today, I think you need to get your head together."

I just shook my head as he opened the door again.

"Clara, you know what I do, down to the detail. He's not going anywhere without your permission."

Fatigue set in with those words and I fell back against the chair and looked at Zach. Alec noticed and sighed, walking away from the door and kneeling down in front of me.

"I know that you're trying to keep him close to you," he said softly, looking into my eyes, "but maybe there's some choices that none of us, even those of us that seem to be invincible, can make, let alone withstand. I can't help you with this unless you're willing to take a risk."

I swallowed and he nodded, as he stood up and turned to leave.

"Oh, and as for the deal," he said, as if in an afterthought, "Maybe... If you want to do it yourself... Maybe I can cut it off."

I just closed my eyes.

He waited a moment, and then I heard his footsteps as they blurred together and then disappeared.

I can't begin to apologize for something I'm not sorry for, is all I can say.

Talk to Me.

Hi, everyone who's ever read this blog. It's been a crazy month, with a crazy-long recap to go along with it, unfortunately for my fingers.

SO, just in case you're not much of a reader, or want to make sure I'm sticking to my word about talking about "the incident" that happened LAST time I posted, here's a list of the bigger, more robust points of this month:

• I'm typing this in my hideous bridesmaid's dress.
• Zach and I are on some very special speaking terms.
• I chose between letting Nicholas stay or making him go.
• I have a creep stalker who should hate me, but loves me.
• Several strange situations. (nothing new here...)
• I have two very pretty new 'accessories.'
• I've finally unwrapped my gifts.

Get excited, people.

And, alright, I know that for some of those, I was more than vague. But do you really expect to get a story out of me in less than a hundred bullets? I don't think so.

Anyway, wow, it's been a while. I actually had to check to see where I'd left off; what I'd done last. Kind of shocking, moving on...

Nick was at my house, following me around, etc., and everyone got reaquainted with him (ex-fiancees are never something anyone wants to mess around with, especially if both of you happen to be dead) and Zach was both sick and hating me for having him show up, like it was under any of MY control, at my eighty-first birthday party.

That night, I sat out on the porch swing and hoped he would come back.

The next four nights, I sat out on the porch swing and hoped he would come back.

On the sixth night, Edward came outside, sitting with me silently. He watched the stars, like he was actually out there for that sole purpose, rocking back and forth. Eventually, he sighed (dramatic, really, since we don't need to).

"Look, I know you'll choose the right things to do, and I understand that you're hurting and everything-"

"You are too."

He winced. "Yeah. One word - purple. But I just wanted to give you this."

He pulled a gift-wrapped box from beside him and handed it to me. I smiled at him, and looked guilty. He'd tried to bring a little life and happiness back, and it had totally gotten out of control. "Thanks, Ed."

"Happy late Birthday," He said, smiling, and then left without waiting for me to open it.

So when I did, I was left alone to cry.

In the package lay a picture of my family - every one of them - with a note written not in Edward's handwriting, but in my own blood-related brother's.

"Dear Clara,
Today, the entire community attended the memorium for a girl who died long ago, in a big town with a big reputation for those kind of things. Her name and the way people talked about her resembled very much my sister, but I know in my heart that my sister isn't dead.
Clara, I've lived years and years, hoping that maybe you're looking in on me, watching me and my grandchildren, my children, all going on about our lives, while though you're not here, your own life is going on somewhere else. I don't believe you to be dead in any sense; you're not the kind to get kidnapped and murdered.
I'm getting very old, and I know that you will know the names and faces of both yours and mine family, but in case something ever happens to me, or if when I die, you are somehow forgotten by them, I want you to have this picture - it's the rest of your heart all on a sheet of expensive parchment for you to keep eternally.
You will forever be my angel, dead or alive. You're my only sister, and I love you always.
Happy birthdays, Merry Christmases, and many, many apologies for not being there when you may need me.
I hope that Edward, the Earth-Angel you talked constantly about, is with you somewhere, making sure that you're safe.
Your Brother,
Cole Laylan"

The five members of my forever-lost family laughed up at me like nothing could ever be wrong in the world. Only Cole, knowing exactly what he was going to do with his copy of the picture, looked slightly serious; secure and wondering.

I didn't let go of the photo or the letter all night.

The next morning, I went up to Edward's room (after making sure Bella wasn't there - I don't know what it is about her, but it hurts so much to even TALK around her - and it's not my hurt). Knocking on the door three times, I heard a quiet 'come in'.

"Thank you."

He smiled. "I was actually worried you'd hate me for getting you that. It was at Cole's house, and I wanted to see if he'd left anything for you before he passed on so that no one else would think you were... ah... in the ground, per say, and throw it away."

"I couldn't be mad if I tried. This is too amazing of a gift, Edward. you don't know how much this means to me." I whispered.

"It's still not what you need, though."

I looked up at him in alarm.

"Go find Zach, Clara. Don't throw yourself through hell and try and keep it from everyone. I don't need to see inside your head to know that you love him."

I was horrified. "Oh, GOD! Why do you have to be the one to say these things!?"

He grinned. "Because I know how it goes. Anyway, try to reason with him. He's hurt more than you are right now, believe it or not, and doesn't understand much at the moment."

"He's being stubborn. He won't talk to me."

"Have you tried? He's a man, Clare, and he loves-"

"STOP USING THAT WORD ABOUT ME."

Edward burst into uproarish laughter. "It's just a word!"

"It hasn't ever... Oh, hell, I don't want to explain this."

I left then, Edward still laughing loud enough to hear from outside.

Alice and Rosalie wished me well (thanks a lot, Alice), and before I was even really thinking, I found myself down in LaPush, face to face with Sam.

"I know that he doesn't want to have anything to do with me, but can I please talk to Zach?"

Sam smiled down at me kindly. I don't think I've ever felt so short in my life. "That would be amazing, but... There's one slight problem; he's not here."

"What?" I was appalled. He'd run away from me, both here and at my home! WUSS, my head screamed, but I knew, for sure, that he had a reason that didn't involve anything having to do with being scared to confront me; my heart knew that one.

"He's not here; he left a couple nights back, looking kind of sleepless, and told us that he'd be back eventually, and not to look for him."

That sounded so familiar, and it didn't take long for me to peice that together with the close-to-exact same thing I'd done after Annora first saw the purple eyes and I was chasing away the pain.

...He went to the forest.

"Thanks, Sam!" I shouted behind me, running towards the woods. The clouds ahead rumbled fiercely, and several small droplets hit my nose, though I was running fast enough to miss most of them. He'd gone where I'd go, I would've bet anything in the world.

The rain started heaviest as I reached the beginning of the forest, looking quickly, smelling for him. I followed his trail to the clearing, and from there, I could see his shadow across the way.

Unfortunately, he could also see mine through the buckets of rain falling from the sky, dousing both of us.

"Go away," He said in a normal, if not more sad than usual, voice. "No one wants you here, Clara."

"Zach, I can explain, because, without trying to be cliche, that really wasn't what it looked like."

"It doesn't matter. You've told me you couldn't think of me any other way than as a friend, but what if, Clara? What if I wanted to be more than your friend?"

I was getting desperate, and the water was bugging me. I'd gotten my leather jacket on before I'd left the house, but the rain couldn't be repelled. "Maybe I wanted you to be more, too! Maybe I was just stupid enough to tell myself love was for the living!"

He sighed. "It doesn't matter," he repeated. "Especially not when you're only saying this to get me out of here." He laughed darkly. "WHY DON'T YOU BE A REL FRIEND FOR ONCE?" He yelled, as if I was actually human enough to not hear him. "LEAVE ME OUT HERE TO FIGURE ALL OF THIS OUT."

"BECAUSE, DAMMIT, I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND." I yelled angrily, instantly regretting it.

There was a minute of silence, the rain pounding on the mud and grass between us.

"You're not my friend." Zach repeated morosely.

"I can't be," I reasoned. "I love you too much."

The shadow lifted his hands up to his head. "Clara..."

"And look, okay?" I said, a desperate plea to my voice. "Nick was my finacee, and I'll admit that, but when he reoffered, I refused. The look on your face assured me that you meant everything you'd ever said to me, and I can't trade that for someone that I may not even know anymore! Nick is still my friend, and he's going to stay in Forks, but I swear, Zach, that's all he is!
"GOD!" I exclaimed at myself, and slid down the base of the tree I was by into the mud, putting my eyes in my sleeves, my fists in my hair.

There was silence, but it was okay. I was done. I'd said what I was there to say, and that was all I could really do.

"Do you really mean that?" Zach said quietly, and I lifted up my face. He was there, jacket, jeans, and all, not looking at me. His eyes were red, matching his cheeks, and his arms were limp at his side.

I'd never seen him look that depressed.

"Yeah, I really do," I said standing up. "And I am so, so sorry for treating you like something disposable."

He smiled weakly. "Maybe you should've. I was pretty cheesey there for a while."

"Months ago. We were both stupid, then?"

He laughed thoughtfully, meeting my eye. "Okay; we were both stupid. But... Can I please ask you something, and if it's too soon, okay, and if I'm being forward or back to the stupid thing, that's fine, but..." He paused, "...Would it be okay if I kissed you?"

I stood up on my toes, every part of me wet and caked in mud, and wrapped my arms around him as he kissed me.

I loved him. Plain and simple. And it had taken a freaking nuclear pitfall to make me realize that.

...Suffice to say, Alice was estatic. Edward was even grinning like an idiot, but really and truly, Alice still stole the cake: "OH, I WANT TO PLAN YOUR WEDDING, TOO, OKAY?"

It scared Zach and I both, but she assured us she really couldn't see that far into the future.

We went up to my room, where we both instantly collapsed on the bed in all of our muddy glory and made love like we were on our honeymoon.

...Just kidding, Edward.

Actually, as we lay there on the bed, both of us staring up at the ceiling like old times, Zach swore and started digging around in his jacket.

"Inconvieniences..." he mumbled, and I propped myself up on my elbow.

"You really don't have to do a self-frisk to come to our house, you know. We have deadlier things than glass bottles over 3 ounces full of liquid."

He shook his head. "No, it's just... FOUND IT!"

He held up the same, small, gift-wrapped box he'd had at the party only a week before. "I'd forgotten about it."

"Me, too, actually. But you really don't have to give me anything, Zach. I've been a personal hellraiser lately, and really, you're the only present I need." I wrapped my arms around him and lay my head on his arm.

He objected. "No, this is your birthday gift and I want you to have it anyway."

I sighed. "Boys."

He laughed. "Vampire girls who can't accept gifts."

With one of his hands holding it, I used my right hand to tear away the paper.

I looked at the velvety box, horrified and scared. "Zach, really, you're only seventeen, and I can't..."

"I'm not giving you an engagement ring." He said calmly, fighting back laughter. "I swear."

"A purity ring? Earrings?"

"No, and no."

I groaned and opened up the box.

I gasped.

Inside lay a gold ring with three oval sapphires mounted in it, framed by two tiny diamonds on each side.

"Oh, wow..."

"It was my mother's," Zach explained hastily. "It seems kind of weird for a gift, but you're there for me more than anyone else I know... Well, except Sam, and I don't think he'd take the idea of a ring very nicely."

I laughed, close to crying. "Zach, this is beautiful, and I... Well, you made so I can't refuse it, and... I'm honored."

"Good." He said, slipping it onto my pinky. "Someone needs to be."

That night was perfect. He fell asleep by my side, and I fell off into some kind of reverie, thinking about everything that had happened in the last week.


Three days later, I came home from school with Carlisle, who had been forced to check me out of a hospital.

"I can't believe this!" I exclaimed, staring at the palm of my hand.

"I can't, either. I've never heard of anything like this before."

Zach sat in the back of the car with me, holding said palm, tracing the edge of a peice of glass that was lodged in my hand. It ran from where my fingers bagan to the point right above my wrist, and though it caused a stinging sensation to move my hand back and forth, it was almost worth it the way Zach kept running his finger over it, onto my fingers, and back again.

"I thought we were indestructable!" I argued with no one.

"I thought so, too." Both Zach and Carlisle supplied. "But getting that thick of a peice of glass stuck that side up in your hand... Something must have happened." Carlisle finished.

"The beaker exploded in the Chem class we were in," I explained again, still hyped. "And one of the peices was coming towards my head, so I stuck my hand up there to block it!"

"Okay, you're right, something happened. But something with the glass or your anatomy or... something." he responded.

"It didn't bleed or anything." Zach noted, not taking his attention off of the shard. "It was just... There."

"Right. And it hurt, and I yelled a horrible cuss word, and I got sent to the hospital where you," I motioned at Carlisle to the rearview mirror, "found me, screaming at them not to look at it."

He smiled. "They thought you just didn't want to be touched."

"That was one of the reasons." I said sourly, leaning up against Zach. "But at least you were working today."

"And at least you had super-humanly strength."

I snorted as the car pulled up to the house, Zach helping me out as if I was really an invalid.

"Hey, what's this?"

There was a package on our porch, with the word "CLARA" written in thick, black sharpie.

"It wasn't me, I swear." Zach said for my sanity.

"Whatever it is, I can wait until I'm inside. No difference." I said, picking it up and opening the door.

Zach shook his head at me playfully, and lifted me up over his shoulder.

"What are you - AH, OH MY GOD, ZACH, PUT ME DOWN."

Edward met us halfway up the stairs, laughing at my situation.

"NOT FUNNY." I yelled as Zach continuted up. "If I didn't love you, I would KILL YOU right now, Zach!"

When we reached my room, he threw me on the bed and jumped on after me. "Alright! What is it?"

"Oh, okay, it says my name on it, and you want to see what it is more than I do. Would you like to open it?"

He raised an eyebrow.

"FINE, okay, I'll do it."

I ran a fingernail between the flaps, breaking the tape, and pulled the peices aside.

"Very cool." Zach said. "Foam peanuts."

I sighed, pulling back the peanuts. "What the...?"

Zach started gagging, and had to get out of the room as it moved. I was almost mesmerized, the smell of it making my head spin in the first place, and yet completely mortified.

It was a human heart. Fresh, and barely moving.

"Clara, my love," the note inside, covered with blood, read. "Don't be fooled by the one you have now; I know what can make your dead heart beat."

I felt like throwing up.

"Love eternally, Alec."

Everything was a blur for a while after that. Edward racing up to my room, disposing of the thing, Carlisle trying to calm me down, Zach having to go home, apologizing profusely; it all kind of melded together. All I could think of was that someone had died that night so that I could have some demented form of gift.

FOR TWO WEEKS, nothing else happened. No unusual occurences; the glass is forever jammed in my hand, and though it hurts, shouldn't cause too many problems. Zach and I were finally happy, and Annora and Ryan... Well, we didn't bother them to much, to their utter disbelief.

But, as usual, nothing could stay good forever.

Meet exhibit A: The Bridesmaid Dress. Except imagine it in a nice... RED.


"You look gorgeous!" Alice squealed, hugging me.

I frowned. "Alice, dear, um, what color is my hair?"

"Red...?"

"Right, and what color is this dress?"

"Red."

"Uh-huh. And what color is my skin?"

"White?"

"EXACTLY. I LOOK LIKE I'M ON FIRE."

Alice laughed, and I could see Zach leaning up against the wall, fighting back laughter of his own. "No, you don't!"

"Yes. I do. I'm all RED."

...But you know Alice (and if you don't, go back and read all previous posts). So I'm stuck here, sitting in my chair, ranting on my laptop in my hellbent dress, waiting for Annora to get home and dressed up.

...All in all, it's been pretty okay as far as life goes around here.

I'm just kind of scared for the whole heart thing.

Not-so-invincible anymore,
Clara

Maybe I was Wrong?

Because, uh, VAMPIRES ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THOSE IMMORTAL CREATURES THAT NOTHING CAN DESTROY.

...

Jane? Alec?
I will kill you both if Edward doesn't do it first.
The rest of you scum-sucking Voterra freaks?
Yeah. You, too.

Ugh. I better start from the beginning.

Thursday night I couldn't even move from the pain I was feeling. I couldn't tell from who, or what was going on, but Edward took me from our house to Bella's as some kind of invisible alibi. Bella, not really understanding that my pain wasn't physical, all mental, tried putting cool washcloths on my forehead and humming, but Edward, hah, "read my mind", and told her it really wasn't doing anything but that I wanted to thank her anyways.
Trust me, he omitted several explicit words I thought in-between, thankfully.

Bella fell asleep, and Edward kind of moved over towards me and just told me to close my eyes, and that "Yes, I know you can't sleep; just do it." So I did. He hummed and sang to me for hours on end. I tried to cry, but obviously have no body liquid to do it with. When the pain finally stopped, he sounded, if he could be ever, exhausted. "I love you, too." he finally said, responding to my thought, and went back beside Bella.

About four in the morning, Edward woke Bella up and motioned for me to come closer, from the pallet I'd "slept" on.
"They're here." he said grimly.

I was gone. Out the window and to the fated clearing where Edward had first let Bella see his skin in the light, and met up with the rest of the family, who didn't even glance at me as I came into the area. They were focused on the other side, where among the shadows, farther than the human eye can see, were the most horrific figures one can imagine.

The Volturri were here; the newborns that Emmett, Jasper, and Edward had been talking about were here, and there was a situation that needed them.
The only thing was that we were in the way, and they wanted Bella.
"Annora's gone, too." Edward whispered in my ear, already beside us. "Alice says she was gone last night, and didn't come back."

The main thought running through my mind: Oh. Dear. LORD.

The fight broke loose, but not before Edward had to go back to Bella. Jane was eyeing me even before Emmett roared war, so, of course, I kind of had a clue what was coming.

But Jane is weak, and all of her 'family' were fighting all of mine.
So she sat there and watched.

Mid-morning, they showed up. The werewolves were here, FINALLY. Edward had obviously told Jacob, who was with them, and he'd let everyone else know, who then took their precious, sweet time to show.

The dogs rounded out beside us, the one flanked on my side grimacing as he looked over at me. Stupid animals. I always liked dogs without the human-ness, but with it? It was irritating.

And so we ALL fought. Except, once again, Jane and I. I'd helped while I could, but the pain all around the area when someone got hit or kicked - I don't think so. Jane pitched in whenever one of her clan was losing. It was grotesque pain, but obviously I was only feeling it second-hand.

That went on deep into the afternoon. No one was losing, no one was winning. A couple of the wolves had been hurt slightly, but nothing life-threatening. Jacob was one of them - his ribs and an arm were broken, leaving him useless to the cause. I was pretty sure that caused Bella to panic, leaving Edward with a heartache, poor guy.

And then, as I stood in the grass, clutching my head, an extreme pain came over my whole body. Screaming furiously, I fell to my knees and put my forehead hit the ground. Agony and suffering ripped through every nerve in my body, making me feel like I was about to explode with the feeling.
I managed to look, through color-blinded eyes, up at the small figure in front of me, and truthfully, wasn't too surprised; Jane stood there, her lips pulled back in a smirk, shiny teeth bared. But there was something different... Something...

Alec grinned at me from behind his sister, his stance completely relaxed but fully ready to kill someone - something. ME, per say.

Jane looked up distractedly, and the pain dwindled, though I still couldn't move.
"Marcus! That idiot!" She hissed, turning to Alec. "Do me a favor and finish her off."

You don't know how menacing those words sounded, even from a high-pitched, child-like voice.

Alec kneeled down by me when Jane was well on her way.
"I don't think I need to use any of my, hm, abilities on you. You're still new at this whole game, and Jane has left you in a very feeble position." He chuckled, and brushed my cheek, making me wince in unadulterated pain and hate. "It is too bad, though. You're very pretty."

He backed off as I tried to stand. There was no way he was getting the upper hand just because I was on the ground. That MORON had taken my friend; my family.

"You're one hell of a wuss, aren't you Alec? Standing behind your little sister."

That's all it took. He snarled, I tried to move but couldn't, and that was it. The last thing I heard was something that sounded like a cat being stepped on before I blacked out. Of course, seeing as how I'm writing this, I didn't die. But that's only because of one thing:

A wolf saved me.

I woke up in a bed at Billy's, next to (get this) Jacob, having to pretend I was riding motor bikes with him. They'd broken my leg, fractured one of my ribs, and broken an arm, and left me reeling in pain.
For now, the treaty was broken. Who knew how long that would last.

Carlisle told me that Zachary Creullen, one of the Quilletes, had seen Alec going nutso on me and ended fending off attacks from him for my sake. A vampire.
Suffice to say, I was confused. But hey, that could've been the morphine. It gave everything a fuzzy edge.

Yesterday, anyways, I got to meet him. HUMAN him.
And though he smells like werewolf, he keeps looking at me all strange and asking me if I'm okay.
It was weird.
Hah, Jacob was getting nauseated, though, which was almost worth it.

Luckily, I'm allowed out of bed now, though I have to walk with crutches and a bandage around my ribs.

Once again, Alec and Jane, I WILL find I was to get over the whole pain thing -- Just wait. Both of you won't exist. SOON. Especially if Annora isn't back soon.

-Clara