Taking the Good With the Bad... And the Potentially Awkward.

In the newspaper, there's a headlining article about Ryan.
Because when lost boys turn up dead, it's usually a big story for the press.
But I...
I just don't know.
And I don't mean this in a "well, he's a jerkfaced liar" way, but...
I don't know if that's really him.
Because if so, the Volturri would be here, right?
And they would've disposed of the body and all who'd seen it.
And it most likely would've been them that killed him in the first place.
But still, there's a body.

I'm probably over-analyzing this.
And really, Ann, I'm so sorry. You know that.

---
Cutting that subject. See the line? That would be the cut, kaythankyouverymuch.

Zach came over again tonight, and he's actually up in my room, asleep again (Humans sleep so much! Even the half-human ones!), but I'm not up there.
Because we kind of had this really long, hugely awkward talk tonight, starting with the words "Okay, I know this isn't a great time for this..."

Which, you know, should've told me instantly what I was getting myself into.

"...But I really think we need to talk."
Suuuuure.
The only thing is, that talk was way more important than I thought. The summary of the whole thing:

Zach doesn't think we're friends anymore.
Oh, no. He think's we're more than that.

But I don't know what to tell him, because I haven't really thought of it in that way. It's so weird, having a best friend who comes all out and tells you he's in love with you.
Of course, it doesn't help if when the devoter expresses this, the devotee laughs until she can't breathe.

So he's kind of embarassed about it, add it's my fault, but that would be why I don't really date.

Let me just LIST the reasons, shall I?
I. I'm dead.
II. You'd think that people would notice I'm dead when they try to hold my hand and it's rock solid and cold.
III. Living rocks DO NOT make good people to cuddle up to.
IV. A long story involving a guy who I was engaged to 79 years ago.
V. My family tends to put anything with any kind of heartstring connection to them in major danger.

That would be only five. Trust me, there's SO much more.

-Clara

Ps - YEAH, I know, okay? Not a long post. But still, ya know?

Once in a Lifetime...

...Means no second chance,
So I believe that you and me
Should grab it while we can...

I don't know why, but I'm sitting here on my bed, depressed. Edward knows, but I already told him off and I doubt he's coming back in sometime tonight.

Bear with me - I'm getting philosophical, here.

I was watching a movie last night with Alice, and it spurred this whole thought about second chances, and that once in a lifetime really does mean no second chances, which led me to the whole thought of Bella and the choice she was making about this whole vampire thing. I mean, I love her. I really do. We may not be as close as sisters or anything, but if losing her means losing Edward, I have to - I can't let him go.

So, remembering something about Rosalie's past, I went and talked to her. She agrees on the fact that being human is something that you can only do once, and for all of us, was something that we'd be dead without - something she wishes would've happened to her. Her whole point, I concluded from the talk, was that the things you can only do once in a lifetime become dull and pointless when you're alive eternally.

Anyways, Edward kind of overheard. And I'm pretty sure Annora would've, except that she was asleep, since she's different like that.

And now Ed's watching me 24/7, like it would make any difference. I don't plan to stop anything out of the ordinary, so Mr. Anthony-Masen Cullen, get over your bad self and quit invading my mind. It's driving me crazy! I'd almost rather go back up to Alaska, if that's what it takes!

But then again, Tanya also got on my last microscopic nerve.

Edward - Chill. Breathe. I love you. You're the only person in the world who's ever been close like a brother to me, even though we're not related at all by, hah, blood.

Ugh.
Hopefully, this excitement is over.

-Clara


Ps - Random fact: My middle name is Jezebel. As in the queen who was eaten by dogs in the bible. IRONY!