In and Out? Or Out and In?

I can't breathe. I can't talk, I can't see straight, I can't function.

I spent the last week in Boston, because I thought that would help me get over this weird feeling I've had for a while, and you know what, I was right. It's gone.

But it's been replaced with total and complete pain.

My brother, the one who loved me unconditionally, was killed, along with his daughter, her husband, and their child in a wreck the second day I was there. In fact, I was at the intersection it happened in, when it happened. But I was too late. I wasn't paying attention, just trying to act like a normal human, and in that moment all of my remaining family was hit by an oncoming semi.

Why does this happen?! I know there may be no God for me, but they were the nicest people I could ever imagine living with.

I could've saved them! I could've jumped in-between the two vehicles and prevented this whole thing!

I'm a monster in more ways than one.

I stayed for their funerals, too. It was awkward, getting strange looks from people who had no clue who I was, but probably grew up with me.

"We come here today to witness the passing of Cole, Brian, Alecia, and Cody Laylan, all of who perished in an untimely death two days ago..."

Horrible. Nothing amounts to that.

I got off the plane and picked up my car, my yellow hybrid of something that Edward had gotten me when I moved from Alaska, and went to the beach for a while. Alice was most likely going to freak out, not being able to see me, and Edward would be a tad pissed, but that didn't matter. They weren't my family; I had none of that.

It was like any remaining humanity I had vanished with them.

When I finally got home, it was late, and Edward sat stoically on the porch, warily reading my face.
"Clara...?"
I shook my head, and he nodded, his expression not changing, and vanished inside, leaving me standing on the porch, my arms folded against my body.
Less than a minute later, I could hear protesting inside the house as a figure sauntered out of the house and watched me for a minute, before coming over to me and wrapping me in a hug.

I started crying, choked, tearless cries, my head buired in Zach's jacket as he whispered condolences in my hair.

For a werewolf, he was good at being incredibly human sometimes.

Inside, everyone had gone to doing their own thing, Zach carrying me up to my room. He sat me down on my bed, and just let me cry for a while, putting his jacket over me. When I finally calmed down, I pulled my knees up to my chest and let him tell me about Annora and Ryan, and everything that had gone on while I was gone. Alice hadn't, obviously, seen me coming back like this, so a party had been planned. He filled me in on what'd gone on over at La Push, and this fight Jacob had gotten into with Embry, who didn't see any problem with Zach and I being friends.

Zach ended up falling asleep in my bed, and that's where he still is.

It's strange to hear someone snoring, for once.

-Clara.