Happy Birthday to You...

I’m going to be disowned, and I’ll deserve so much worse than that if they ever know the whole story. Oh, God, help me.

And today? Today’s my birthday.
My eightieth, in the real sense. As for my cover? I’m seventeen.

Five days ago, I was as close to okay as I was bound to get.

Wednesday didn’t start out any differently from any other day. It was basically just school without talking to anyone (including Zach, who’s actually able to get colds, I found out), and going home with Edward.
But it wasn’t like before.
Whereas Edward usually talks, or makes ME talk, he was completely quiet and ignored all of my dumb attempts at conversation. He didn’t look happy at all, and to tell the truth, if I was him and my girlfriend was constantly in danger from both clumsiness and/or vampiric death, I wouldn’t be happy to pick up my sister either. But when I brought that up, trying to get him to admit he was worrying, he just frowned deeply and shook his head, looking at me intensely with steely eyes.

You think I would’ve guessed that something going on, concerning me. But no. I’m not that bright.

For the rest of the week, Edward was always around me, refusing to talk and seeming furious, looking like more like an angry god than an angel. I caught him near me constantly, even in the middle of the night, when he’d come in, claiming to be looking for something, giving me a hateful look while he “searched.”

Finally, last night, I just locked him out of my room, end of story.

He was mad, and he made me promise to come down every two point five hours or he’d break the door in, but really, whatever got him off of my back was perfect for me.

And five minutes after I was perfectly sure that he was gone, I was back to listening to my music, finishing up an end-of-semester report for Zoology. I hated the class, because I was learning about all of my food and really had no intention of working with animals in the future.

It was like learning that your applesauce can actually cry for it’s counterparts or develop AIDS.

But then again, Annora had talked me into taking it, just because she was hoping that maybe it would increase my want to get off of a blood-diet, which unfortunately, is not going to happen anytime ever, and I wasn’t in a mood to disagree with her.

As I worked, I heard timy taps, like branches rubbing against my window. But seeing as how there were no trees around, it was obviously my favorite person in the world, coming to see me in the middle of the night, when he was supposed to be sleeping.

The sound would’ve gotten to Edward, who might as well have been sitting outside of my door, so I opened the window.

“Shhs, Zach! Two seconds!”

I got no response, but I reclosed the window just in time to hear Edward. “Clara, what’s going on?”

I groaned dramatically, and lied, since he was so exhausted and wasn’t trying to listen in on my thoughts. “I was figiting. But lighten up, Ed. Just because I’m playing pick-up with my pencils doesn’t mean someone’s coming to eat me.” I smiled. Zach was about the closest thing to dangerous I had at the moment, and though he probably actually could eat me, I kind of doubted it.

“Whatever. Just be careful.”

“I’m in my ROOM, with locked EVERYTHING.”

“Still... Just do it.”

I heard him sigh and leave, then went over to the window and reopened it. “Okay, you’re clear. But are you retarded?! Edward could hear that!” I whispered.

I heard him chuckle, and I smiled, going back to my paper.

I heard him climb through the window, and I started saving the document and printing a copy out. “Okay, so what are you doing in the middle of the...”

I turned around to face him, and my breath caught.

“Hey, Clarabelle.” Tender eyes looked at me forlornly, the whispering voice coming from pink lips seeming almost playful. “Happy Birthday.”

I stared at him for a minute, and then tried to throw up.

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Clara. She believed that love could save her, and that the most innocent and pure love could be found in youth, which, don’t get her wrong, can. But with youth also comes stupidity, and with stupidity comes no space for big mistakes.
And unfortunately enough, Clara made a big mistake: She fell in love with the perfect guy.

All of the sudden, I was close to hyperventilating, and I didn’t even really have to breathe.

He stood there and smiled at me. “I’m not here to hurt you.”

I stared at him with wide eyes that wouldn’t seem to close. “You’re not here. You... You can’t be.”

“Okay, or maybe I am, if this is how you really feel towards me. So let me rephrase: I’m not here to purposely hurt you.” He said, sighing.

Nicholas was charming, sweet, and loved her unconditionally, and soon enough, in the last year of high school, he proposed. She, being the idiot that she was, said yes, and the date was set: December 18, 1944 --- Just under a month after she would turn seventeen. He, himself, was eighteen and a loner kid who had been overlooked by so many eyes who were looking for a “good” husband. That’s not to say that he wasn’t beautiful, though. With light grey eyes and hair so dark brown that it looked indescernable from the darkest black.

I couldn’t have gotten out of the office chair had I tried. All of my super vampiriky strength had completely left me.

But not in the literal sense. Oh, no. This guy could do more than that, and I knew it.

“So,” he said, still smiling softly, sitting down on my couch. “Who’s Zach?”

“You have to leave...” I whispered. “You... You’re not supposed to... I can’t... I’m...”

“Dead.” He sighed. “I know.”

But two months before the wedding, Clara disappeared without a note, sign, or any evidence at all. Alerts were issued and the police were called in, but finding nothing, called off soon. The boy was destitute and heartbroken, not eating or seeing anyone until they could find her.

They never did.

My breathing came in ragged gasps, like I was grasping for something normal and human to hold on to while this was happening. It was a dream; a nightmare that I’d lived over and over for years on end.

“How?” I choked out. “How did this happen? Why are you still...” It dawned on me, and I wretched again. “No. Oh, no. You’re not, and this can’t be!”

He took a shuddering breath, and I could almost taste his pain. It wasn’t anything that was physically killing him, but the emotional feel for the situation he’d just thrown himself in was insane. It was like suicide.

But, seeing as how he’d changed, pun intended, he wouldn’t be killed that easily.

“I knew what happened to you, but I wasn’t just going to walk up to you and say ‘hey, Clare, it’s still me, and it can still be like old times.’ You were beautiful and you were something that scared me even more than my own immortality.”

The memorial grew grey and cold, and was set to rest with a pointless headstone. Clara was the ghost who haunted every hall with her memory and who’s story inspired hundreds to not go out at night. She was a nightmare for everyone. And just outside Denali National Park, the one girl who she haunted consistantly, every waking moment of every waking day, lived.

I stood up, shaky still. “I can’t do this.” I gasped. “I need... I need Edward.”

The sad smile left his face in place of a lonely, knowing look as he nodded his consent. He’d never been one to run away.

“That’s okay, Clara. I understand. Just...” He hesitated, and I felt like I was going to explode. “Just remember, okay?” The sad smile was back, and if I wasn’t completely freaked out about seeing the eternally preserved eighteen-year-old in my room, I would’ve started crying and...

I don’t even want to think about it.

“So is this what your ability is?” I accused him. “Convincing people to see things how you did? Because we already have a person who can do that, and I don’t need any more of it.”

He frowned. “Abilities?”

A sob escaped, the tears dried up before I’d ever wanted to cry them, and his face grew dim.

“Clara...” He looked like he was fighting something, and then he came to where I now sat in a pile on the floor on my knees, and wrapped his arms around me. “Clara... Shhh... It’s okay swe-.... It’s... It’ll be okay. I’m so sorry....” he whispered.

It killed me for him to be doing this. Cold skin againist cold skin created something strange, and a feeling of uttermost misplacement. I was supposed to be warm; he was supposed to be warm. And by now, we were supposed to...

NO!

I pulled away. “I don’t... I can’t.”

He gave me a sideways smile. “I knew and know.”

“But... I need you to explain to me. I need you to tell me what happened and what’s going to happen. Where and how and why and what and everything that I couldn’t know because of a single bullet.” I was talking fast, and without really thinking, but he knew what I meant.

“I will.”

I looked at him, a feeling of dread and absolute terror spreading through me. “You promise me the truth?”

He nodded. “I promise you everything, as long as you swear to remember.”

I shook my head. “I can’t, Nicholas. I really can’t, as much as I’d lo... I’d like to.”

He ran a hand over his face, immune to blemish and perfect to the eye, and looked up at me gently. “Okay, Clare. But just... Try to.”

He helped me up, and opened the door to the hallway. I stood where I was, watching him carefully.

“Come on,” He coaxed. “The rest of the family probably knows already.”

I shuddered. I was dead. So, so, dead. And Nick? He was wrong. Incredibly wrong.

Because Edward hadn’t really suspected anything.

“SURPRISE!” Eight voices who happened to be holding a huge cake screamed at Nick as he stood in the doorway to the living room, stunned.

It took less than a second.

“Who the hell?!”

“CLARA!”

“What’s going on?!”

“There’s another one of you?!”

“Oh, no, not again...”

“I KNEW IT!”

There was a pause, and then: “Nice to see you again, Nicholas.” The room fell silent as Edward held Nick’s eyes. “It’s been a long time.”

He smiled. “Yeah, and now I’m back. And just like you guys. No harm, no foul, ri-...”

“HELL NO.” Emmett roared.

Edward smiled grimly. “He’s right.”

“BOTH OF YOU, STOP.” I yelled. “I’m so SICK of this happening every time someone comes over. We’re supposed to TRUST one another, remember?!”

Zach looked sick from across the table, where a box sat, wrapped in mangled paper. “What the hell, Clara?” He asked slowly. “Why?”

“Zach...” He shook his head and left without hesitating, his hurt worse than my own.

I swore loudly, and heard Emmett snort. “Do you even SEE this?! This isn’t family – This isn’t anything LIKE that!”

Annora looked on the whole sight pretty well, considering she didn’t know anything about what had happened. She hadn’t even been alive when the whole lot of us had gone to school together. Emmett looked completely disgusted, even though he was looking straight into his best friend’s eyes, and even Jasper, who hadn’t been involved with any outside relationships was burning in hate. Alice and Rosalie looked mildy irritated, but I knew and felt so much more.

“Nice, Clara.” Ryan commented, his arm around Annora.

I swallowed hard and swore again before going back upstairs. That had been it. I couldn’t take any more at all.

I locked my door and went into my closet and locked that one.

In one night, I’d manged to get older, reminisce, be completely afraid, love, chase away my best friend, and internally implode.

And among the snow and ice, she couldn’t forget who she really was, but she tried as hard as she possibly could. Nothing good could come of remembering.

Remembering love was one of those promises that I didn't want to go through again.

“Happy Birthday, Dear Clara...”

Bring It On: The Kicking Butt and Taking Names Edition

"Clara, put him down." Edward sighed, after getting over the initial shock being beat to the punch.

Let me just say, for the record, that I'm not a usually too temperamental person. Sure, I'm headstrong and biting some times, but not too angry.

But earlier, I was furious.
Angry enough to have the supposed-to-be-dead Ryan looking shocked and sickeningly gorgeous, slammed halfway into a tree by his neck, snarling.

"Clara," Ryan choked, "What the hell is your problem?!"

"My problem?" I yelled. "YOU're my problem! You leave and pretend you're DEAD, which is a whole other tree-slamming entirely, making my sister hurt so badly that right now, I don't think death would equal up to that!" I wasn't hysterical; I was fuming

"Clare, as much as Ed and I both think this is extremely cool of you and, of course, how we'd love to do that to him, too, put him down. Annora will have a cow." Jasper said, smiling grimly.

"Annora can have any farm animal she wants as long as I get to kill this asinine idiotic scum of the Earth."

Edward sighed again. He was getting pretty good at that.
"Fine. Just don't kill him and put him down before Annora sees. But while you're hanging there, you mongrel, you might as well tell us a few things."

Ryan frowned. "Like what? You won't believe me no matter what I say."

Zach came over and looked levelly at Ryan from beside me. "That's for us to know and you to assume."

Edward smirked. "First of all, why death and not just a note or something similar? Faking death isn't exactly subtle."

Ryan snorted. "I'm not you."

"Obviously." Edward said, and I could feel him inwardly cringing, though he didn't show it on the outside.

I tightened my hand around Ryan's neck. "Answer the question, and stop being the biggest jerk faced lying as-"
Jasper coughed, and gave me a look.
"Stop being yourself." I amended hotly.

Ryan looked exasperated.
"Look. I didn't mean to hurt her, or you for that matter, Clara, but I wasn't going to just leave her a note saying "oh, hey, sorry, but I have to leave because I've just betrayed you to the same vampires that have practically stalked you forever. Sorry!' And there's no way I was going to just leave and claim that I didn't love her. You should know better than that."

"You picked DEATH over a NOTE?" Jacob asked, looking horrified. "I knew you guys were off your rail, but that's... That's not even a little bit logical!"

"Yeah, well, it was kind of a spur of the moment thing. Besides, I did keep in contact through the LaPush notes."

Zach shook his head. "You're one retarded vampire. I guarantee you, if you ever get the urge to show up in LaPush again, you're going to end up where you pretended to be in the first place."

Ryan turned his sad eyes on me. "Let me go. I know I was completely wrong, and trust me, never again."

I grudgingly released my grip. As Ryan rubbed his neck though, he was slammed up against the tree again, by Edward.

"What about your 'people'?" he hissed.

Ryan coughed some more. "STOP SLAMMING ME AGAINST TREES! And what the heck do you mean? What about 'my people'?!"

"They're going to come at us harder now, because of you!" Edward's voice sounded so... deadly.

Edward dropped Ryan and turned on his heel, while pain exploded in front of my eyes. It was killing him to live on the other side of something so simliar to what he'd done.

I got home before anyone else that night, and went straight to my room and sat in the chair at the desk until Zach came over. He sat down on the couch and smiled at me sadly.

“I’m sorry.”

I glanced over at him. “What?”

“All of this freakish stuff is going on, and I can’t relate or help or even try to be considerate, just because of who I am. I can’t even talk right.”

I laughed. “You sound perfectly fine.”

“Yeah, but the other night, when I told you that I loved you... I don’t think it came out totally right, and I think it scared both of us.”

He looked over at me curiously, where I was frozen.

“I didn’t mean it like... that. Not yet, anyways, but that’s really awkward, so forget I just said that. I meant that I love you like... Like you’re my sister.”

“Are you lying?”

He smiled grimly. “Nope. Unfortunately, I’m stuck with you forever, though.”

My eyes grew wide. “What?!”

“NO! I mean, well, I’ve kind of already imprinted.”

I blinked, and said what I was thinking slowly. “...On me.”

“Right. But since I’m not totally Quiluette, it’s not a big deal. I just can’t leave you without getting worried sick.”

I kind of snorted. “And... Does Jacob know?”

He laughed. “Yeah, seeing as how we kind read eachother’s mind, he knows. And thinks it’s the dumbest thing he’s ever heard of. But still, he’s got no other choice but deal with it.”

“There’s just one problem.” I pointed out helpfully. “I’m not safe with you.”

Zach’s faced dropped. “Oh?”

“Not in the you-can’t-defend me way, since we’re both pretty much able to do that for ourselves, but my family is my backup, and Alice can’t see me when I’m with you...”

“...which would be always.”

“Exactly. She freaks out a little over it.”

He looked undecidedly down at the couch. “I don’t want to put you in any danger. That’s not what I’m supposed to stick around for.”

I had to smile. He thought that I didn’t want to be around him because Alice wouldn’t be able to see me. I walked over to the couch, and sat down in front of him.
“Zach, come on. I thought you knew me a little better than this.”

He looked at me, intrigued.

“Who said I didn’t want to have some fun in the way of danger? Plus, if I get to hang out with my best friend in the process, double bonus for me.”

He smiled and wrapped me in a bear hug. “You’re insane, Clara, and I’m so glad you are.”

So everything's good, and really, I'm glad. Even if the freaky whosit-purple-eyed things come back, I can't say I won't be ready for a good fight.

-Clara

Taking the Good With the Bad... And the Potentially Awkward.

In the newspaper, there's a headlining article about Ryan.
Because when lost boys turn up dead, it's usually a big story for the press.
But I...
I just don't know.
And I don't mean this in a "well, he's a jerkfaced liar" way, but...
I don't know if that's really him.
Because if so, the Volturri would be here, right?
And they would've disposed of the body and all who'd seen it.
And it most likely would've been them that killed him in the first place.
But still, there's a body.

I'm probably over-analyzing this.
And really, Ann, I'm so sorry. You know that.

---
Cutting that subject. See the line? That would be the cut, kaythankyouverymuch.

Zach came over again tonight, and he's actually up in my room, asleep again (Humans sleep so much! Even the half-human ones!), but I'm not up there.
Because we kind of had this really long, hugely awkward talk tonight, starting with the words "Okay, I know this isn't a great time for this..."

Which, you know, should've told me instantly what I was getting myself into.

"...But I really think we need to talk."
Suuuuure.
The only thing is, that talk was way more important than I thought. The summary of the whole thing:

Zach doesn't think we're friends anymore.
Oh, no. He think's we're more than that.

But I don't know what to tell him, because I haven't really thought of it in that way. It's so weird, having a best friend who comes all out and tells you he's in love with you.
Of course, it doesn't help if when the devoter expresses this, the devotee laughs until she can't breathe.

So he's kind of embarassed about it, add it's my fault, but that would be why I don't really date.

Let me just LIST the reasons, shall I?
I. I'm dead.
II. You'd think that people would notice I'm dead when they try to hold my hand and it's rock solid and cold.
III. Living rocks DO NOT make good people to cuddle up to.
IV. A long story involving a guy who I was engaged to 79 years ago.
V. My family tends to put anything with any kind of heartstring connection to them in major danger.

That would be only five. Trust me, there's SO much more.

-Clara

Ps - YEAH, I know, okay? Not a long post. But still, ya know?

Telling the Truth, for Once.

This morning, when Zach woke up and got changed into some of Emmett's clothes (he looks adorable in them --- They don't fit him too well, and it makes him look like a kid), and after Annora came in and jumped on me in a huge hug, Zach called me over from my place at the desk, and made room on the bed next to him for me to lay down.

"I want to know everything about you." he informed me, looking up at the ceiling like I was.
"Why?" I moaned. "I'm really not that interesting, I swear."
He kind of smiled, and slipped back into serious mode. "No, but seriously, Clara, I really do. I want to know your entire story, start to finish - not the edited version you're giving everyone else, too."
I had to look over at him for a minute, gaping. "What?"
"You're a pretty good liar for having a brother with mind-reading superpowers."
I frowned. "First of all, they aren't superpowers. If Edward hears you call them that, it will all go to his already-inflated head and he'll start thinking he's God or something. Secondly, I'm not lying, and how would you know anyways?"

He smiled slyly. "I do talk to your family, you know."

I groaned. "Why would you ever do something like that?"
He shrugged. "You're avoiding the story, Clare."
"Maybe I don't want to talk about it."
He looked at me. I just kept looking at the ceiling, unsmiling. He'd hit a sensitive spot, and he knew it.

"Sorry."

I didn't move for a minute, but out of the corner of my eye, I saw him turn back to looking at the ceiling.

I took a deep breath.
"Once upon a time, I was normal. Well, at least as normal as far as being human goes. I was raised in New York, where I was extremetly well-known, somewhat what Rosalie was for her time, but my popularity was just because I was too adventurous, always got in trouble, and was the daughter of a up-and-coming movie star father who loved and adored me. It was kind of strange, though, because I was sensitive to other people, and when anyone had a problem, they were always coming to me to talk about it, no matter who they were, even though I was spoiled rotten, practically.
Three days after I turned sixteen, my father had a heart attack and died."
I paused, catching my breath. Zach reached over and wrapped his hand around mine.
"When my dad died, I started believing in ghost stories and things that could happen to someone when you thought they were dead, including... Vampires." Zach winced.
"I'd never really thought anything like them had existed, but I absolutely refused to think my father had actually died so suddenly. I blamed the vampires, I blamed the Devil, I blamed ghosts... I blamed about anything that I knew nothing about.
"I became even more adventurous than ususal, going to the darker parts of town, down allies where people regularly got killed... Basically anywhere I thought any of my creatures could've been hiding."
"A two weeks before I turned seventeen, I met a vampire. Finally. He was beautiful, with reddish hair and pale skin, with copper eyes that were ever-so-slightly tinged with red." I smiled, remembering.
Zach shuddered. "You met Edward."
"Yeah, I did. But when I saw him, instead of feeling all the rage that had been building up inside of me, I could literally almost feel his pain. He looked so exhausted and upset.
"So we talked for a long time, day after day, and eventually, I told him my story.
"'I truly am sorry,' he had said, looking wistful, 'but I still don't understand what I have to do with this. If I could help, I would.'
"'Change me into what you are,' I told him. 'I want to live forever and not cause anyone pain at all.'
"Well, that went over slightly different than I'd pictured it. Edward became furious, and told me that only in dire and needy situations was anyone even going to be considered to be changed. The pain, the life... He'd described it all to me in perfect detail, but I still couldn't see the problem. I'd just become like him and eat deer or lions or any other animals. Dogs, even if..."
I winced. Zach smiled dryly.
"Sorry. But back then, I wouldn't have thought twice about it."
"He changed you, didn't he?" Zach said, looking sick.
"No... Actually, he didn't. He was far too gallant, and seeing as how you've seen inside Jacob's twisted mind, you realize that he still is."
Zach looked grim.
"Anyway, I happened to take those words to heart. Becoming a vampire became somewhat of an obsession, like getting into an exclusive club. Edward became constantly angry at me, trying to get the stupid idea out of my head, but I was already too far gone."
I looked over at Zach, who's chocolate eyes were staring at me apologetically. It was so strange for me to be just telling my story like this.
"The next week, I was waiting down the alley for Edward when it all happened. We were arguing, as usual, when some assinine idiot New Yorker decided to pull a major drive-by."
I sighed. "And that's where the bullet came from." I poked right under my throat, close to my collarbone. "It's still there."
Zach turned over, leaning up on his elbow, looking almost angry. "And you still stick to the fact that Edward didn't do it?"
I nodded slowly. "Later, Edward told me that Carlisle had finally wrangled him in on the vegan plan, and he decided to let me believe that he'd never existed." I smiled ruefully. "Bella's whole exit plan was based on previous experience, except that he didn't count on someone else changing me.
"When I moved from Alaska to Forks, I had to face Edward for the first time in a long time. He remembered me, and we agreed that the best way to not bring the subject of me being changed up was to fake it." I shrugged. "And that's that."
Zach still looked angry. "He could've stopped it."
I froze. "What?"
"He could've stopped the bullet, had he been there."
I sat up. "You don't know what you're talking about."
He shook his head. "He could've taken the bullet for you and lived."
"Just like I could've saved my family by diving in-between the cars? Jesus, Zach!"

Zach's face dropped, and I closed my eyes.

"Sorry." He said, moving closer to me after a minute. "I'm just a little freaked right now. I can't picture you lying on the street, dying, and Edward not being there to help, even though you'd trusted him with your life every single day for those weeks."
I kind of laughed, pressure building up inside of me again, and leaned into his arms. He hugged me. "You've been through hell, Clare."
"Yeah, but then again, who hasn't in this family?"
He kissed my forehead, and we just kind of laid there for a while before Zach had to go to work and check in down at La Push.

The family's been high on terror alerts. We're so afraid that the purple-eyed freaks are coming back for Annora, and that Alice won't be able to see it.

Edward came in a few minutes ago, though, and sat down on my bed, where I had my music blasting. He muted it, and smiled a little.
"I really am sorry for not being there." he admitted.

Anyways, I think I may run down to the store to get some more ice cream for Annora. I need to get out again, just to get some air.

I'm way too unsafe. Ha, ha.

-Clara

In and Out? Or Out and In?

I can't breathe. I can't talk, I can't see straight, I can't function.

I spent the last week in Boston, because I thought that would help me get over this weird feeling I've had for a while, and you know what, I was right. It's gone.

But it's been replaced with total and complete pain.

My brother, the one who loved me unconditionally, was killed, along with his daughter, her husband, and their child in a wreck the second day I was there. In fact, I was at the intersection it happened in, when it happened. But I was too late. I wasn't paying attention, just trying to act like a normal human, and in that moment all of my remaining family was hit by an oncoming semi.

Why does this happen?! I know there may be no God for me, but they were the nicest people I could ever imagine living with.

I could've saved them! I could've jumped in-between the two vehicles and prevented this whole thing!

I'm a monster in more ways than one.

I stayed for their funerals, too. It was awkward, getting strange looks from people who had no clue who I was, but probably grew up with me.

"We come here today to witness the passing of Cole, Brian, Alecia, and Cody Laylan, all of who perished in an untimely death two days ago..."

Horrible. Nothing amounts to that.

I got off the plane and picked up my car, my yellow hybrid of something that Edward had gotten me when I moved from Alaska, and went to the beach for a while. Alice was most likely going to freak out, not being able to see me, and Edward would be a tad pissed, but that didn't matter. They weren't my family; I had none of that.

It was like any remaining humanity I had vanished with them.

When I finally got home, it was late, and Edward sat stoically on the porch, warily reading my face.
"Clara...?"
I shook my head, and he nodded, his expression not changing, and vanished inside, leaving me standing on the porch, my arms folded against my body.
Less than a minute later, I could hear protesting inside the house as a figure sauntered out of the house and watched me for a minute, before coming over to me and wrapping me in a hug.

I started crying, choked, tearless cries, my head buired in Zach's jacket as he whispered condolences in my hair.

For a werewolf, he was good at being incredibly human sometimes.

Inside, everyone had gone to doing their own thing, Zach carrying me up to my room. He sat me down on my bed, and just let me cry for a while, putting his jacket over me. When I finally calmed down, I pulled my knees up to my chest and let him tell me about Annora and Ryan, and everything that had gone on while I was gone. Alice hadn't, obviously, seen me coming back like this, so a party had been planned. He filled me in on what'd gone on over at La Push, and this fight Jacob had gotten into with Embry, who didn't see any problem with Zach and I being friends.

Zach ended up falling asleep in my bed, and that's where he still is.

It's strange to hear someone snoring, for once.

-Clara.

Wahk your dahg for uh quahter?

I think I might go to Boston, and stop in on my brother and his kids. I've been thinking about it, and it seems really nice to get away sometime in the near future, especailly since I'm all healed up and quicky losing my sanity anyways. Of course, Edward, etc., have all said that it wouldn't be safe --- But didn't we *just* finish everything we had to be truly afraid of off?

Yeah, so... I've been doing a lot of thinking, apparently.

Oh, and sorry about not posting sooner. It's just been a long time since I've HAD time to sit down and do this.

Anywho, Alice decided on the dresses the other day for "her lovely little rose-cheeked bridesmaids," but she won't tell us what they look like.
Obviously, we'll hate them, and possibly burn them after the ceremony as kind of an after party.

You know, I didn't think vampires could go through post-mortem depression; (After death depression, FYI). I didn't know ANYONE could actually. But it's like some inside hurt has come up and kind of swallowed me: I don't remember going to school or doing homework, I don't remember Zach coming over to hang out for a while, or even exactly what I pretended to eat for lunch. It's so freaking weird.

And the funny thing is, I don't know what I'm depressed about. I have nothing *to* be depressed about.

Today, Zach ws going to take me home, since I was wanting a little me time while Edward took Annora back to the humble abode, but as I sat in the bleachers, watching the cheerleaders, he showed up and told me that if I was going to mope, he wasn't going to let me do it in front of a bunch of jocks.
So we went to the First LaPush beach, and hung out for a while. It was actually pretty nice.

Edward came in not long after I got home, bursting in the door and doing his whole little 'ooh, I'm a vampire and I'm going to give you the vampire glare' look, crossed arms and all. I wasn't in the mood, and told him so, but he just sighed, and, to my amazement, lost the look and sat down on the bed.
"Look, I know that I'm not the best fake brother that you've ever lived with for 70-something years, but here's the deal: You can't do this whole sad thing."
I kind of gaped at him. "Sorry... What?"
"Zach talked to me for a while, and told me that you've been unusually down. I haven't actually noticed since this whole Volturri thing's been going on, but I swear to you, I haven't forgotten you or anything."
I had to laugh. "You know it's not your fault."
He frowned. "You're right -- I don't know whose fault it is; you're not thinking anything in particular that could've caused it. You're just... Sad."
And then he did the best thing he could've: He leaned over and gave me a huge hug.

Ugh, it's been too long of a day.

...It feels like THURSDAY.
And really, I'm not just saying that for want of the weekend.
SO WHY ISN'T IT?!

-Clara

Ps- Sorry for the shortness. I'm exhausted... Ha, ha.

Okay, Fine, Here He Is.

So I figured, for Annora's sake, I'd do a whole post on Zach.
Because besides Bella, none of us have ever had a werewolf friend.

SO.

This is Zach, in a picture I took at school the other day. He was pretending like he didn't like it, the little faker.



He's, obviously, part human, part wolf, which really bugs most of the family (I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND. HE SAVED MY LIFE.), and he's a very human eighteen-years-old, so I don't actually get to see him a lot around school (only at lunch and gym).
If you haven't noticed, he's also not very Quiluette-looking.
That's because he's only one sixteenth wolf-boy gene'd.

Let's seeee... More about Zach...

Oh, he's very into sports, and plays back-up quarterback in football and is one of the most amazing players ever to play baseball for Forks High.
I, on the other hand, refuse to play sports and sure as anything don't play in the sun. Biiiig no-no.

When he was eight, Zach's parents left him to his aunt, an old Quilluette elder's widow. He "turned" three months ago, and actually doesn't mind vampires...
Like, we smell fine to him.
Which is a good thing, since I was kind of worrying that he would think I had bad BO or something.

Anyways, I'm only allowed a certain time slot on the laptop. It was Jasper's idea, but of course Edward instantly jumped on the bandwagon.

Famous Edwardian Last Words: "Lighten up, Clara. It's for your own good."

Ha, ha.